Reality Adjustment

After a day of fighting wild and crazy work-world, guys like to come home and be greeted like a returning warrior from the battle he has fought to earn a buck or two.  But, at the same time the little lady, the love of your life, the mother of your children and your soul mate has also been fighting the daily battles at her own job or spent the day taking care of the little ones at home. 
Suck it up old guys!  Live with the knowledge that you are truly the king of your domain, the Grand  Poo-Paw of your castle!  Not only that but you are also the all-knowing grand wizard to your adoring children...well at least once a week when they let you have your little fantasy. 

Live large guys and Remember...Foot Ball season is here!  Grab your Bark-o-Longer and a cold adult beverage and enjoy the weekend.  Just put out of your head that on Monday it starts all over again for another five days.

Okay...Now WTF Am I Supposed To Do?

Yeah I know Tarzan teaching Cheetah how to be a tree swinger is a bit on the Bee-zar side even for me but I am just having some fun with Cheetah here so bear with me while I get the big guy down out of the tree.
Tomorrow I promise you will meet Jane....at least her voice to be followed for the next week or so.  Like Tarzan who is now 50 something Jane has also changed.  Remember her from the old movies, young, blond and nimble?  Really a perky young thing back in the old days, right?
 Today Tarzan and Jane have been married for about 30 years and Jane has put on a wee bit of weight and has become a typical married middle aged woman. No longer the perky little blond and to Tarzan's displeasure... Tarzan no longer occupies her whole world.  Grand kids, cooking, and her mother take up most of her time.  By the way her mother is a Real witch and I do mean this in a nice way. Do you remember the old American television show called "Bewitched"...Do you remember the mother in law, I have based Jane's dear old MUMMY after Agnes Moorehead and dear old Mummy still does not approve of Tarzan after all these years.
Sorry folks but I am having a ball with this concept and if I have ruined your preconceptions of Tarzan, sorry about that too.  See ya all tomorrow.

Being A Swinger 101

Is Cheetah too old to be a tree swinger like Old Tarzan?  Tune in tomorrow to see how the tree swinging lesson progress.

IS IT YOUTUBE WORTHY?

If you do something really dumb in life it is always nice to have someone around to get a video of it.
Kodak once had a commercial that basically said, "If you go on vacation and do not have pictures to show your friends...did you really do it?" 
Sort of like if a tree falls in the woods will it squash Big foot?

Tying up loose ends.

Have you ever been at a party and had some jerk crash the fun and games? 
Nice to see that Old Tarzan still knows how to tie one on...at this point you will be either laughing uncontrollably or saying stuff like," that is one of the dumbest joke I have ever heard. 
Anyway, I just love the comic strips where I can  use words like ZIP, ZAP POW & KAPOW!  So bear with me as there are plenty more of the old Zaps and Kapows to go around for quite some time to come.

Simba...Fashion Expert

Men wearing sandals.  Why is it about the same time old guys start wearing suspenders with belts they also feel a need to wear black sox when they are wearing sandals? 

Focus Focus Focus

How much fun was watching the old Batman show on T V with all BAM! BANG! ZAP! & BING! signs that would appear whenever Bat (Holy Guacamole!)man and Robin would get in a fight with the bad guys.
Please note, if you are old and do not understand Twitter just ask one of your grand kids and they can read this cartoon for you. 

Nature calling

The trouble with guys like Tarzan is that it is really hard to accept what nature is doing to them as they get older.  Lucky for him he still has good old Cheetah to remind him he ain't as young as he once was .

New Adventures of Old Tarzan.

Some times it is just hard to take on a new and improved life style.  With these silly romps through the jungle with the King of the Apes we can only imagine what it must have been for Tarzan to get "Old".  Granted Tarzan can never get old, but like an old retired professional athlete, Tarzan is starting to face reality and gravity.  Maybe you will be able to relate to these silly little gags.

Me Tarzen....You are not a vine.

If our friends can not tell us we be getting old and need glasses who else would volunteer that information? 
Let's face facts people! Tarzan is older than dirt and he is still swinging through the trees like a dang old ape...Get real!
Just for fun for the next week or so let's take a funny look at the life and time of the new adventures of good old Tarzan...King of the Apes.  I wonder how Ralph, Norton and their pointy haired boss will think when they find out Tarzan is still around and is still calling him self the King of the Apes.  I wonder is the king of the Apes higher up the banana tree than the pointy haired boss? 

Da Mona Lisa by Gordy

For fun I asked Gordy to play the part of Michael Angelo... and his soul mate Gertie is playing the part of Mona Lisa.  And here old Gordy told me he couldn't even draw a straight line.  Yo da man Gordy!

Today's Hoity Toity Question.

Does this make me look fat?

My question of the day...How do dumb styles come into being? 
When I was a kid, no boy would be caught dead wearing shorts outside of gym time or around a public pool.  Now days teenagers wear shorts all year around including to school. 
Why is it that some people seem to think the rest of us want to see their neon colored bloomers?  They seem to think that their underwear is a fashion statement and the strangest part is they get all huffy if they catch us staring at what they are wearing.
Well Boys and Girls, here is a news flash for you..We are not impressed with your taste in skivvy drawers.
 So next time you are out in public, please cover up your butt crack...we all have one and we all know ours looks better than yours.

Little known facts 101

Actually KALAMARIE spelled calamari but no matter how you spell it we still like the little guys especially, the crispy little tentacles smothered in lemon juice served in a Greek fast food place along Colfax in Denver Colorado.

Elephant joke time.

When I was a kid Elephant jokes were running a muck with the kids in my neighborhood.  Nothing so sad as to see Elephant jokes running a muck. 
What do you call the black spot under the foot of an African Elephant...Drum roll...slow natives.
How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your refrigerator?  By the foot prints in the jello of course.
The actual gag I was going to do was: first panel..Gordy the Rhino saying to Sid the Elephant, "What a night I had. I woke up in a strange room and could not figure why I was there."  2nd panel: Sid-" Where were you?" 3rd panel and drum roll once again...Gordy says, "The bathroom."
What was Gordy the Rhino doing in a bathroom you may ask......Drum roll please...To pee of course...So how can you tell if a Rhino has been in your bathroom?  The toilet seat has been left up.

My shameless rip off.